My Own Prison
by ManniElf18
Summary: A songfic of Angel evaluating his life as he heads to battle, and to death.


Disclaimer: I do not own Angel, Buffy or anything related to Buffyverse or Creed.

Summary: A songfic of Angel recalling his past before his last fight in NFA

A/N: bold is lyrics of My Own Prison by Creed

**"My Own Prison"**

Standing drenched from the bucketing rain, Angel stands awaiting his fate. As hordes of demons advance on his four man army, he recalls the actions of his past.

_**A court is in session, a verdict is in  
No appeal on the docket today  
Just my own sin**_

He's one some horrendous things in the past, yet he's accomplished some extremely heroic feats, will it be enough?

**_The walls are cold and pale  
The cage made of steel  
Screams fill the room  
Alone I drop and kneel  
_**

Twice he let Angelus loose, totally powerless as a part of him killed and tortured his most beloved friends. He felt as if he was locked away deep inside of himself, in a cell that he created.

**_Silence now the sound  
My breath the only motion around  
Demons cluttering around  
My face showing no emotion  
_**

Staring out at the approaching doom, everything appeared to be in slow motion, silent and persistent. Angel felt the sword in the hand and instinctively gripped it until his already pale knuckles appeared pasty white. While his stance was ready to strike down anything that came his way, Angel's face remained impassive, like so many emotions were passing through him he couldn't find one to express.

**_Shackled by my sentence  
Expecting no return  
Here there is no penance  
My skin begins to burn  
_**

He knew he deserved this, to die by his own kind, demons. Yet he felt he wasn't worthy, his death seemed too heroic, slaying evil, soulless creatures. He sighed, it was too late to back out now and countless lives depended on him.

_**  
(And I said oh) So I held my head up high  
Hiding hate that burns inside  
Which only fuels their selfish pride  
(And I said oh) We're all held captive  
Out from the sun  
A sun that shines on only some  
We the meek are all in one  
**_

The sun, for all of Angel's vampire existence he loathed the sun, and for obvious reasons. Buffy was his sun. She kept him warm and always had a glow that flowed out of her. One day he was able to experience both suns. It was the best and worst day of his life. It was the day that never existed. He remembered that moment when he kissed Buffy in the bright California sunshine, a moment of pure happiness that could last forever. He was human and Buffy was his. No worries or strings attached until… Buffy's life was in danger and he would risk everything to keep her alive, so he did.

_**  
I hear a thunder in the distance  
See a vision of a cross  
I feel the pain that was given  
On that sad day of loss  
A lion roars in the darkness  
Only he holds the key  
A light to free me from my burden  
And grant me life eternally**_

**_Should have been dead  
On a Sunday morning  
Banging my head  
No time for mourning  
Ain't got no time  
_**

The wall of death was still approaching Angel with agonizing slowness and he wished an arrow would simply fly out and put him out of his misery. Everyone else that he was suppose to take care of were dead or ruined by his own faults, Doyle, Cordelia, Darla, Fred, Wesley and even Connor.

**_  
(And I said oh) So I held my held up high  
Hiding hate that burns inside  
Which only fuels their selfish pride  
(And I said oh) We're all held captive  
Out from the sun  
A sun that shines on only some  
We the meek are all in one_**

But Angel must put the past behind him and focus on what's happening now. There is always something worth fighting for, even the smallest thing. From defending a friend to saving the world, there are costs and there are rewards. Fighting the good fight is never easy but in the end it's all worth it. ****

I cry out to God  
Seeking only his decision  
Gabriel stands and confirms  
I've created my own prison

(And I said oh) So I held my head up high  
Hiding hate that burns inside  
Which only fuels their selfish pride  
(And I said oh) We're all held captive  
Out from the sun  
A sun that shines on only some  
We the meek are all in one

Should've been dead on a Sunday morning  
banging my head  
No time for mourning  
Ain't got no time

With the demons no farther than one hundred feet away, there is no more time for remembrance. Angel alters his grip on his sword and prepares for the worst. Everything is happening with increasing speed and his companions around him are as ready as he is. The thundering sound of feet and primal calls rushes into his ears yet he hears nothing except the voice of all those who died before him telling him to keep on fighting.

Dedicated to all those who have to fight their own demons everyday.

This is my first Angel fic and first song fic so reviews are greatly appreciated


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